c0mments! exams is finally over.. but i dun feel happy at all. yes it is the end of school but for once, i so dead wish that i am still in school because when in school at the very least we wont be like now. now is holiday and i am gonna be free and yet you are not. so whats the point of having holiday. besides, i might be working and there will be less time for us to even sit down nicely to have a chat. you dun even have to apologize because is not your fault at all. so you dun have to say sorry to me. i dun want to leave you alone and go work but the problem is that when i am free you are not and in each week, you are rarely free and then what am i suppose to do? now we are drifting and what shall i do? i can hardly meet you now even it is holiday. what can i do to maintain our relationship? now there is a fresher person than me to chat with and more topic too. i only can pei you sleep at night or maybe slowly i dun even have the chance.. now what i can do is to take out time to pei you more.. but everytime we chat, we have no topic. either is you reply with single word which make me nothing to reply or is i have nothing to say.. i thought that after that time we will get better but it seems that it doesnt.. i dun know what else i could do already.. i have nothing left...

c0mments! i want to know what had actually happen between us...

before my exams. c0mments! Am i thinking too much or you are just doing it behind my back? What you have said i have done it. what about you? It seems like those things you have said are just using it to stop me from saying about it. Truely enough you have done it. Sometimes i really wish that this fucking person doesnt come into my life or even exist. Now, it seems that every other things is more important than me. You know what? I am seriouly tired of everything. I rather is you tell me about it then i saw it myself. Could you just tell me what actually does i meant to you? Maybe you wont see this but i have no place to vent my anger on. My hand are injured. I cant play basketball to vent my anger on anymore until i have recover. Anyway, i wont say anything about it until you tell me about it. I told you before that can you let me know if you were contacting with him and you said alright. So i will just wait because i seems to be no longer important.

going of to school for exams. hope it wasnt a difficult paper.

c0mments! haizz.. why is it so.. why couldn't i just.. feeling rather down, pain and unhappy now.. just like an half dead person. guess you will be angry or even unhappy too. i am not surprise that you dun want to reply me. i have no reason to seek for forgiveness. this is all i created let me suffer it all by myself. i am sorry.

c0mments! i am sorry... i just dun like the way he communicate with you. the way he talk makes me felt uncomfortable. i am sorry.. really sorry..

=X c0mments! maybe i am a little too sensitive or should i say i am very sensitive.. i seems to be not understanding you all the time.. i just hate myself for not being a good boyfriend at all. i couldn't help you distress but in fact, i am adding stress to you for things like asking you to sleep early, rush you homework, go eat, go bath, etc.

i wanted to understand you.. but.. sometimes i really dun know what or where i did wrong at.. you were keeping things to yourself and i know that is you.. but really.. when things happen, i just hope that you could say out.. i dun like the feeling that i know you are unhappy about something and i dun even know what is wrong with it. this is also the reason why i will be frustrated sometimes.. i dun have the intention to hurt you or to show you my attitude but sometime is just that i cant take it..

It is me that always made you worried, scare, afraid of things might happen.. I seems to made you felt insecure most of the time.. i just ain't good at all. i doesn't have any point that is able to allow you to be happy.. i might have think too much but sometimes, i see you were happy with others rather than with me.. i felt that i was unable to make you laugh like others did. the topic between us is getting lesser and lesser.. each time we quarrel we are getting colder and colder.. i dun wish to see this.. yea maybe i really dun know how to be concern of someone or maybe i am just not suitable to be a boyfriend.

whenever we quarrel or unhappy, we will seems to neglect each other. its not one sided. the moment i saw you unhappy, the first thing i would ask is why.. maybe i ain't thoughtful enough but sometimes i really dun understand you.. i felt lost. really lost.

I just ain't good enough to be a caring boyfriend. i am always so sensitive, always worried too much, forcing you to do things, asking you to bath, eat, sleep, study, didn't really ask what you needed the most. simply i am just too Naggy. however, the reason that i will ask you to sleep early and study is because i really dun like you to late sleep. the main problem is that when you sleep late at night, the next day you are sure to be tired. maybe you are not tired on the outside or you doesn't show it out only but i have to say that late sleeping can affect not only your health. it can also reduce the size of your memory. if you late sleep, you can easily being distracted. your brain doesn't work well too. i know maybe you dun believe in me but late sleeping wont help in any form of your life. i know i couldn't change you no matter what i say but i really hope someday you will understand that.. its not a joke at all. about keep asking you to go study, i really wanted you to study hard and well enough.. i dun want you to be regret of what you did.. i hope you could understand.. i rather now you hate me for forcing you to do things than see you regret in future..

you know.. sometimes i really feel tired of saying it already.. every time i said about it i will make you unhappy or mood less then after that between us will become cold again.. i tried so hard and hoping that i forcing you or keep asking you can slowly change you into sleeping early.. at first i can see you were trying to but slowly.. it seems to be not working anymore.. you sometimes told me you were tired and i asked you to go to sleep but you said you have things to do then slowly you keep on tahan and force yourself to do the work but do you know that you are actually not able to concentrate well? maybe asking you to sleep early now couldn't help at all but seriously, think about it.. think about what i have said throughout the years..

probably, i will try myself to stop forcing you to bath eat sleep study already as it will only cause you to be unhappy or mood less. and somehow, i am also tired about it already..

you know yourself how much i care for you and how much i care about you.. you understand yourself in your heart that what kind of person i am. you know i really put my whole heart into it. you know how much and how important you mean to me. i really dun have to say much about it. yes, maybe i still unable to let you felt secure because of the surrounding as you know what i mean but i can ensure you inside me i will never change the feeling for you. i hope you will understand.

forgive me for being so harsh in my words sometimes and now. i just hope that you can really understand me and why i will feel this way.. also forgive me for being so forceful, sensitive, easily jealous at things and many other things that made you unhappy.

Goodnight,
AhGui

Go for it! c0mments! JIAYOU! Dun get distract easily alright? Try to control your distraction. I know you can do it! All the best to you and jiayou in everything you do ok? i am always right here when you need me.